Y5E The Lost Book of Adventure WO1 Analyse L6

Analyse Lesson 6

Sentence Accuracy

Sentence Accuracy

Quick Build: single-clause sentence

Verb

trudged

Who/What

Sentence

I trudged through the trees.

Add Detail: relative clauses

, which towered above me,

I trudged through the trees

_______________________________________

wondering when I would feel the sun again.

Re-read

Build

I trudged through the trees

, which towered above me,

_______________________________________

Check

wondering when I would feel the sun again.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

My turn to write the sentence.

Listen to my writer's voice.

Let me hide it!Now your turn.

Your turn to write a sentence.

Write?

Dictate?

Adapt/Extend?

Combine?

Fix?

Use your Sentence Checker

Sentence time over! Click to move on.

Quick Build: single-clause sentence

Verb

let

Subject

Sentence

I let go.

Add Detail: subjunctive form

If I were to let go,

___________________

I would never land safely.

Re-read

Build

I would never land safely.

If I were to let go,

___________________

Check

___________________________________________________________________________

My turn to write the sentence.

Listen to my writer's voice.

Let me hide it!Now your turn.

Your turn to write a sentence.

Write?

Dictate?

Adapt/Extend?

Combine?

Fix?

Use your Sentence Checker

Sentence time over! Click to move on.

Let's take a quick look at how the Example Text is presented and the features it has

The Example Text has...

Title

Paragraph

Past tense

First person

Interesting verbs

Text structure

Features

Into the Unknown

The river carved a meandering path through the dense jungle. As the emerald waters eddied lazily, I guided my raft around the bend. I landed the vessel on a nearby sand bank, then moored it to a rock. The immense jungle, which rose up before me, was a shadowy wall of vines and mystery. I shivered, misinterpreting the early warning sign as excitement. I was overoptimistic and underprepared. Arrogance was my first mistake.

First person

Past tense

Interesting verbs

Title

Paragraph

Click on Click off

Can I find and discuss Writer’s Knowledge 5-8 in the Example Text?

Writer's Knowledge

Short sentences

Adverbial phrases

Commas for clarity

Description

Let's work in:

Stations

Pairs

Groups

Let me show you

Commas for clarity

Add the commas to make the meaning of each sentence clear.

I ate fruit fish and berries.

The air dry and hot suffocated me.

When I awoke something was crawling on me.

Reveal

Commas for clarity

Let's find and discuss

Time slowed down. The mamba, who was certainly unhappy at being disturbed, was beginning to uncoil. I shivered almost imperceptibly. Time to revise my options: either risk a bite that would surely kill me or allow myself to fall three metres to the floor. Fighting every natural instinct, I pushed back from the unfurling snake as it lunged. Gravity did its job. My body smashed into the hard ground. When I came to, I was lying in a heap, bruised and with a suspected broken ankle.

Replace?

Remove?

Feel

Imagine

Reveal

Your Turn: Which paragraphs will you look at?

Commas for clarity

Imagine Feel Replace? Remove?

Reveal

Writer's Knowledge

Short sentences

Adverbial phrases

Commas for clarity

Description

Check

Adverbial phrases

Let me show you

Drag the adverbials into the passage to help it flow.

Out of nowhere,

Cautiously,

At that moment,

In the distance,

_____________ I realized the bridge ahead was missing a plank. _____________ a shadow darted across the path, making my heart race. _____________ I could see the flickering lights of the cave I needed to reach. __________ I stepped forward, testing each board before trusting it.

Adverbial phrases

Let's find and discuss

The return journey to my raft was a blur of dehydration and disorienting pain. I fought to stay calm. The slow travel made me more vulnerable to insect bites and I was conscious of the dangers nearby. Six days after my near-death experience, I collapsed on the shore by my raft. Malnourished, dehydrated, but alive.

Replace?

Remove?

Feel

Imagine

Reveal

Your Turn: Which paragraphs will you look at?

Adverbial phrases

Imagine Feel Replace? Remove?

Reveal

Writer's Knowledge

Short sentences

Adverbial phrases

Commas for clarity

Description

Description

Let me show you

Let's see how detailed description can create a clear image in the reader's mind.

'inhospitable' is a descriptive adjective

Without the adjectives we could imagine an inviting jungle.

'dense' is a descriptive adjective

'dense stretch of inhospitable jungle'

Description

Let's find and discuss

The return journey to my raft was a blur of dehydration and disorienting pain. I fought to stay calm. The slow travel made me more vulnerable to insect bites and I was conscious of the dangers nearby. Six days after my near-death experience, I collapsed on the shore by my raft. Malnourished, dehydrated, but alive.

Replace?

Remove?

Feel

Imagine

Reveal

Your Turn: Which paragraphs will you look at?

Description

Imagine Feel Replace? Remove?

Reveal

Writer's Knowledge

Short sentences

Adverbial phrases

Commas for clarity

Description

Short sentences

Let me show you

Let's use short sentences to stress drama and increase pace. Choose the most impactful from each pair.

It felt like everything was slowing down.

Time slowed down.

or

Gravity did its job.

I fell down because gravity made me.

or

It was difficult to keep calm in this stressful situation.

I fought to stay calm.

or

Short sentences

Let's find and discuss

The river carved a meandering path through the dense jungle. As the emerald waters eddied lazily, I guided my raft around the bend. I landed the vessel on a nearby sand bank, then moored it to a rock. The immense jungle, which rose up before me, was a shadowy wall of vines and mystery. I shivered, misinterpreting the early warning sign as excitement. I was overoptimistic and underprepared. Arrogance was my first mistake.

Reveal

Replace?

Remove?

Feel

Imagine

Your Turn: Which paragraphs will you look at?

Short sentences

Imagine Feel Replace? Remove?

Reveal

Question Quiz Time

Secret Selector

Team Competition

How will we answer our questions today?

Vote

ThumbsUp

ThinkPair Share

Bob Up

Which One's Right?

Which statement is correct?

A Commas help to avoid ambiguity in sentences.

B Commas show when someone is speaking in a sentence.

True or False?

Adverbial phrases can be used to make links within and between paragraphs.

False

True

Picture Me

Which image best shows this example of detailed description? ‘jagged ledges and mossy crevices’

Tick Me

What are short sentences used for in narratives? Tick two.

A to add drama and tension

B to make the story less interesting

C to ask the reader questions

Check

D to increase the pace of the story

Can I find and discuss Writer’s Knowledge 5-8 in the Example Text?

CEW

Handwriting

Writing Effects

Spelling

Ideas

Other...

Feedback: Who did what well?

Time slowed down. The mamba, who was certainly unhappy at being disturbed, was beginning to uncoil. I shivered almost imperceptibly. Time to revise my options: either risk a bite that would surely kill me or allow myself to fall three metres to the floor. Fighting every natural instinct, I pushed back from the unfurling snake as it lunged. Gravity did its job. My body smashed into the hard ground. When I came to, I was lying in a heap, bruised and with a suspected broken ankle.

If I were to let go,

___________________

I would never land safely.

_____________ I realized the bridge ahead was missing a plank. _____________ a shadow darted across the path, making my heart race. _____________ I could see the flickering lights of the cave I needed to reach. __________ I stepped forward, testing each board before trusting it.

At that moment,

Out of nowhere,

In the distance,

Cautiously,

The river carved a meandering path through the dense jungle. As the emerald waters eddied lazily, I guided my raft around the bend. I landed the vessel on a nearby sand bank, then moored it to a rock. The immense jungle, which rose up before me, was a shadowy wall of vines and mystery. I shivered, misinterpreting the early warning sign as excitement. I was overoptimistic and underprepared. Arrogance was my first mistake.

Three days of heavy work followed. I hacked and slashed through thick vines. Cautiously, I picked my way between venomous barbs of ancient, overgrown flora. My arms ached and my head swam with the intense humidity. The ragged remains of my hand-drawn map were useless – this was undiscovered territory and I was here alone. As each evening drew closer, I crafted a shelter to suit my environment. It was essential that I was elevated off the jungle floor as protection from the numerous hostile insects and arachnids. I accepted that I was prey, but in the end, it wasn’t the spiders that got me.

I ate fruit, fish and berries.

The air, dry and hot, suffocated me.

When I awoke, something was crawling on me.

The return journey to my raft was a blur of dehydration and disorienting pain. I fought to stay calm. The slow travel made me more vulnerable to insect bites and I was conscious of the dangers nearby. Six days after my near-death experience, I collapsed on the shore by my raft. Malnourished, dehydrated, but alive.

I was two days deeper into the unknown and two days further from civilisation. After a dense stretch of inhospitable jungle, the greenery gave way to a sheer rock wall. I began to climb using jagged ledges and mossy crevices as hand and footholds. Motivated by the challenge, I hauled myself further until there was a three-metre distance between myself and the ground. The tendons in my hands cramped and my calves burned. I gave another almighty heave and pulled myself up onto a ledge. It was at this moment that everything went wrong. In my haste, I hadn’t followed one of the golden rules of exploring – always look before you leap. I glanced upward and came face to face with the dark, ruthless eyes of a black mamba.

I was two days deeper into the unknown and two days further from civilisation. After a dense stretch of inhospitable jungle, the greenery gave way to a sheer rock wall. I began to climb using jagged ledges and mossy crevices as hand and footholds. Motivated by the challenge, I hauled myself further until there was a three-metre distance between myself and the ground. The tendons in my hands cramped and my calves burned. I gave another almighty heave and pulled myself up onto a ledge. It was at this moment that everything went wrong. In my haste, I hadn’t followed one of the golden rules of exploring – always look before you leap. I glanced upward and came face to face with the dark, ruthless eyes of a black mamba.

The river carved a meandering path through the dense jungle. As the emerald waters eddied lazily, I guided my raft around the bend. I landed the vessel on a nearby sand bank, then moored it to a rock. The immense jungle, which rose up before me, was a shadowy wall of vines and mystery. I shivered, misinterpreting the early warning sign as excitement. I was overoptimistic and underprepared. Arrogance was my first mistake.

Three days of heavy work followed. I hacked and slashed through thick vines. Cautiously, I picked my way between venomous barbs of ancient, overgrown flora. My arms ached and my head swam with the intense humidity. The ragged remains of my hand-drawn map were useless – this was undiscovered territory and I was here alone. As each evening drew closer, I crafted a shelter to suit my environment. It was essential that I was elevated off the jungle floor as protection from the numerous hostile insects and arachnids. I accepted that I was prey, but in the end, it wasn’t the spiders that got me.

Time slowed down. The mamba, who was certainly unhappy at being disturbed, was beginning to uncoil. I shivered almost imperceptibly. Time to revise my options: either risk a bite that would surely kill me or allow myself to fall three metres to the floor. Fighting every natural instinct, I pushed back from the unfurling snake as it lunged. Gravity did its job. My body smashed into the hard ground. When I came to, I was lying in a heap, bruised and with a suspected broken ankle.

The return journey to my raft was a blur of dehydration and disorienting pain. I fought to stay calm. The slow travel made me more vulnerable to insect bites and I was conscious of the dangers nearby. Six days after my near-death experience, I collapsed on the shore by my raft. Malnourished, dehydrated, but alive.

, which towered above me,

I trudged through the trees

_______________________________________

wondering when I would feel the sun again.

Time slowed down. The mamba, who was certainly unhappy at being disturbed, was beginning to uncoil. I shivered almost imperceptibly. Time to revise my options: either risk a bite that would surely kill me or allow myself to fall three metres to the floor. Fighting every natural instinct, I pushed back from the unfurling snake as it lunged. Gravity did its job. My body smashed into the hard ground. When I came to, I was lying in a heap, bruised and with a suspected broken ankle.

I was two days deeper into the unknown and two days further from civilisation. After a dense stretch of inhospitable jungle, the greenery gave way to a sheer rock wall. I began to climb using jagged ledges and mossy crevices as hand and footholds. Motivated by the challenge, I hauled myself further until there was a three-metre distance between myself and the ground. The tendons in my hands cramped and my calves burned. I gave another almighty heave and pulled myself up onto a ledge. It was at this moment that everything went wrong. In my haste, I hadn’t followed one of the golden rules of exploring – always look before you leap. I glanced upward and came face to face with the dark, ruthless eyes of a black mamba.

Three days of heavy work followed. I hacked and slashed through thick vines. Cautiously, I picked my way between venomous barbs of ancient, overgrown flora. My arms ached and my head swam with the intense humidity. The ragged remains of my hand-drawn map were useless – this was undiscovered territory and I was here alone. As each evening drew closer, I crafted a shelter to suit my environment. It was essential that I was elevated off the jungle floor as protection from the numerous hostile insects and arachnids. I accepted that I was prey, but in the end, it wasn’t the spiders that got me.

Three days of heavy work followed. I hacked and slashed through thick vines. Cautiously, I picked my way between venomous barbs of ancient, overgrown flora. My arms ached and my head swam with the intense humidity. The ragged remains of my hand-drawn map were useless – this was undiscovered territory and I was here alone. As each evening drew closer, I crafted a shelter to suit my environment. It was essential that I was elevated off the jungle floor as protection from the numerous hostile insects and arachnids. I accepted that I was prey, but in the end, it wasn’t the spiders that got me.

The river carved a meandering path through the dense jungle. As the emerald waters eddied lazily, I guided my raft around the bend. I landed the vessel on a nearby sand bank, then moored it to a rock. The immense jungle, which rose up before me, was a shadowy wall of vines and mystery. I shivered, misinterpreting the early warning sign as excitement. I was overoptimistic and underprepared. Arrogance was my first mistake.

I was two days deeper into the unknown and two days further from civilisation. After a dense stretch of inhospitable jungle, the greenery gave way to a sheer rock wall. I began to climb using jagged ledges and mossy crevices as hand and footholds. Motivated by the challenge, I hauled myself further until there was a three-metre distance between myself and the ground. The tendons in my hands cramped and my calves burned. I gave another almighty heave and pulled myself up onto a ledge. It was at this moment that everything went wrong. In my haste, I hadn’t followed one of the golden rules of exploring – always look before you leap. I glanced upward and came face to face with the dark, ruthless eyes of a black mamba.