What does it mean to regulate your emotions?
Emotional Regulation: Understanding Your Emotions
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Remember this
Definition
Emotional regulation is the ability to influence:
What you feel
When you feel it
And how you express it
What emotional regulation is not
Emotional regulation isn’t about erasing an emotion. It’s about choosing the most helpful way to respond to it.
According to researcher James J. Gross (1998):
“Emotion regulation refers to the processes by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express these emotions.”
Knowing the difference
What regulating is:
Channelling a strong emotion so you don’t hurt yourself or others
Finding a balance between what you feel and what you do — and choosing your reaction
Understanding your emotion and deciding how to respond
+ Info
+ Info
+ Info
Knowing the difference
What regulating is not:
Ignoring your emotion or pushing it down
Pretending everything is fine
Forcing yourself not to feel or letting your impulse take over
+ Info
+ Info
+ Info
Knowing the difference: Example
You’re angry: regulating yourself means choosing to breathe before you respond.
Suppressing it would mean pretending you don’t feel anything.
Losing control would mean shouting or insulting someone.
Why regulate?
Because unregulated emotions can:
Make conflicts worse
Blur your ability to think clearly
Harm your physical and mental health
On the other hand, good emotional regulation:
On the other hand, good emotional regulation:
Improves your decision-making
Helps you understand yourself without judging yourself
Supports healthier relationships
Strengthens your resilience (your ability to bounce back)
Types of regulation
There are two main types of emotional regulation:
Conscious (or deliberate) regulationYou notice what you’re feeling and intentionally choose how to respond. Example: you’re nervous before a presentation; you take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I’m ready.”
Automatic (or implicit) regulation Your brain learns to manage certain emotions without you realising it. Example: over time, you react less strongly to criticism because you’ve got used to it.
These two forms work together: the more you practise regulating your emotions on purpose, the more natural it becomes.
That’s what people mean when they say something “becomes second nature.” The more you train yourself to take a conscious action, the more automatic it becomes — until it feels instinctive. This is why it’s important to challenge negative reaction habits from a young age. Once a pattern becomes second nature, it can be very difficult to change later on.
The moments when you can regulate
You can’t always stop an emotion from appearing, but you can step in at different stages to stay in control.
Your interpretation
Your response
Your attention
The situation
Some emotional regulation strategies
Cognitive reappraisal
Suppression
Distraction
Change the way you interpret a situation to manage your emotions more effectively.
Hide the outward expression of the emotion — often unhelpful in the long run.
Shift your attention to a neutral or pleasant activity.
Regulated expression
Acceptance
Allow yourself to feel what you feel without judging it.
Express your emotion in a healthy and appropriate way (talking, writing, singing, drawing, etc.).
Emotional regulation ≠ absence of emotion
Some people believe that being “emotionally strong” means “not feeling anything.”
In reality, it means: feeling fully, but responding wisely.
Emotions are necessary; regulation helps you use them instead of letting them become destructive.
In Summary
To regulate an emotion is to understand what’s happening inside you, then choose how to respond.
It’s not about suppressing it, but guiding it. It’s not about strict self-control, but knowing yourself well enough to stay free.
Activities to Check Understanding
Quiz 1
Quiz 2
Quiz 3
Quiz 4
Quiz 5
This is the end! Well done, you've completed this exploration.
You can act on your attitude or your behaviour.
Example: when you feel anger rising, take a deep breath before responding, or step away for a moment to calm yourself.
You can choose or adjust what you experience.
Example: if a place stresses you out or drains you, limit the time you spend there or prepare yourself mentally before going.
You can change the way you understand the situation.
Example: instead of thinking, “they’re making fun of me,” try thinking, “maybe they don’t realise how this makes me feel.”
You can choose what you focus on.
Example: instead of replaying a hurtful message over and over, focus on what you can learn from it or on something that helps you calm down.
What does it mean to regulate your emotions?
Muriel Akahi
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Transcript
What does it mean to regulate your emotions?
Emotional Regulation: Understanding Your Emotions
Start
How to Navigate
Click the arrow to go to the next page.
Click the arrow to go back.
+ or numbers (1 to 5) Click to open more information.
Click the arrow to continue to the next page.
Take a moment to get used to these buttons — you’ll see them all the way through. They’ll make it easier to move around and enjoy the session.
Remember this
Definition
Emotional regulation is the ability to influence:
What you feel
When you feel it
And how you express it
What emotional regulation is not
Emotional regulation isn’t about erasing an emotion. It’s about choosing the most helpful way to respond to it.
According to researcher James J. Gross (1998):
“Emotion regulation refers to the processes by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express these emotions.”
Knowing the difference
What regulating is:
Channelling a strong emotion so you don’t hurt yourself or others
Finding a balance between what you feel and what you do — and choosing your reaction
Understanding your emotion and deciding how to respond
+ Info
+ Info
+ Info
Knowing the difference
What regulating is not:
Ignoring your emotion or pushing it down
Pretending everything is fine
Forcing yourself not to feel or letting your impulse take over
+ Info
+ Info
+ Info
Knowing the difference: Example
You’re angry: regulating yourself means choosing to breathe before you respond.
Suppressing it would mean pretending you don’t feel anything.
Losing control would mean shouting or insulting someone.
Why regulate?
Because unregulated emotions can:
Make conflicts worse
Blur your ability to think clearly
Harm your physical and mental health
On the other hand, good emotional regulation:
On the other hand, good emotional regulation:
Improves your decision-making
Helps you understand yourself without judging yourself
Supports healthier relationships
Strengthens your resilience (your ability to bounce back)
Types of regulation
There are two main types of emotional regulation:
Conscious (or deliberate) regulationYou notice what you’re feeling and intentionally choose how to respond. Example: you’re nervous before a presentation; you take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I’m ready.”
Automatic (or implicit) regulation Your brain learns to manage certain emotions without you realising it. Example: over time, you react less strongly to criticism because you’ve got used to it.
These two forms work together: the more you practise regulating your emotions on purpose, the more natural it becomes.
That’s what people mean when they say something “becomes second nature.” The more you train yourself to take a conscious action, the more automatic it becomes — until it feels instinctive. This is why it’s important to challenge negative reaction habits from a young age. Once a pattern becomes second nature, it can be very difficult to change later on.
The moments when you can regulate
You can’t always stop an emotion from appearing, but you can step in at different stages to stay in control.
Your interpretation
Your response
Your attention
The situation
Some emotional regulation strategies
Cognitive reappraisal
Suppression
Distraction
Change the way you interpret a situation to manage your emotions more effectively.
Hide the outward expression of the emotion — often unhelpful in the long run.
Shift your attention to a neutral or pleasant activity.
Regulated expression
Acceptance
Allow yourself to feel what you feel without judging it.
Express your emotion in a healthy and appropriate way (talking, writing, singing, drawing, etc.).
Emotional regulation ≠ absence of emotion
Some people believe that being “emotionally strong” means “not feeling anything.”
In reality, it means: feeling fully, but responding wisely.
Emotions are necessary; regulation helps you use them instead of letting them become destructive.
In Summary
To regulate an emotion is to understand what’s happening inside you, then choose how to respond.
It’s not about suppressing it, but guiding it. It’s not about strict self-control, but knowing yourself well enough to stay free.
Activities to Check Understanding
Quiz 1
Quiz 2
Quiz 3
Quiz 4
Quiz 5
This is the end! Well done, you've completed this exploration.
You can act on your attitude or your behaviour.
Example: when you feel anger rising, take a deep breath before responding, or step away for a moment to calm yourself.
You can choose or adjust what you experience.
Example: if a place stresses you out or drains you, limit the time you spend there or prepare yourself mentally before going.
You can change the way you understand the situation.
Example: instead of thinking, “they’re making fun of me,” try thinking, “maybe they don’t realise how this makes me feel.”
You can choose what you focus on.
Example: instead of replaying a hurtful message over and over, focus on what you can learn from it or on something that helps you calm down.