Navigating Difficult Conversations
Mentorship Training
The principles and steps of the STATE Method as an effective framework for navigating difficult conversations.
UNDERSTAND
Learning Objectives
Challenges that arise during difficult conversations by applying the STATE Method to ensure a more productive and respectful exchange of ideas.
INDENTIFY
Understand
Strategies to enhance understanding, manage conflicts, and strengthen relationships while maintaining constructive dialogue even in high-stakes situations.
IMPLEMENT
Identify
Implement
What is a crucial (or difficult) conversation?
It’s a conversation between two people; this means it’s two-sided. It means it’s not just about sharing your perspective on what didn’t work; it’s also about listening to the other person’s perspective, hearing their point of view and coming to an agreement together.
Consider your own experiences.
Overview
THE GOAL: To confidently state our opinions and humbly and sincerely invite others to do the same.
To speak your mind entirely in a way that allows room for dialogue, you must express your views in ways that maintain safety, and you have to find a way to be both confident and humble.
Consider...
A student comes to you concerned about their midterm grade
The STATE Method
5 steps to improved outcomes for a difficult conversation
Objecive 2
Objecive 3
Objective 4
Share Your Facts
Share Your Facts
Tell Your Story
Ask for Others' Paths
Talk
Encourage
Testing
Tentatively
Check for Understanding
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. -George Bernard Shaw
Facts are the least controversial
Facts are the most compelling
Facts are least likely to offend
A story is very different than convincing the other you are right and they are wrong. The story gives life to the conversation.-Anonymous
Be confident
Be selective
Be alert to how your story is heard
Open yourself up to the belief that others might have something to say, and better still, they might hold a piece of the puzzle- and then ask them for their views. -Kerry Patterson
Blend confidence and humility
Express humility by asking others how they see it
Listen and be willing to rethink your story
Soften the message
Speaking tentatively also means sharing in a way that shows confidence in your conclusions, but that also suggests you’re open to challenges. -Carrie Cabral
The more tentatively you speak, the more open people become to your opinions
Make clear that no matter how controversial their ideas, you want to hear them. If they don’t feel comfortable speaking up, you can’t test the accuracy/value of your views. Carrie Cabral
Invite opposing views
Play devil's advocate "maybe I'm wrong here, what if..."
Be sincere
Create conditions in yourself and others that will make dialogue the path of least resistance.
Use this quick reference guide to support your understanding
5 Steps to a Successful Crucial Conversation
Share Your Facts Objective and verifiable information is the foundation for effective communication, and establishing common ground.
Tell Your Story Balancing personal perspective and emotions is emphasized, with guidance on expressing feelings without blame.
Ask for Others’ Paths Understanding viewpoints is highlighted, promoting active listening and empathy.
Talk Tentatively Tentative language is explored as a means to express opinions without provoking defensiveness.
Encourage Testing The need for mutual understanding and feedback is underscored, ensuring successful communication.
Can you identify the STATE elements in these examples?
According to the records, you have been late to class on these dates...
The reason I assign the homework assignments is for you to be prepared for class conversations.
I would like to hear your thoughts about how your grade aligns with the rubric
- Consider a difficult conversation you have had in the past, or one you may anticipate in the future.
- Using the STATE method, plan out the conversation.
- Run through the conversation with a colleague.
- Keep STATE method where you can access easily.
When it comes to diffcult, and/or emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open, so both sides can be heard, and a resolution can be formed.
References:
Cabral, C. (2020, June 28). Crucial Conversations’ STATE Method: 5 Essential Skills. Shortform Books. Retrieved from https://www.shortform.com/blog/crucial-conversations-state/
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2021). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (3rd ed.). October 21, 2021.
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Transcript
Navigating Difficult Conversations
Mentorship Training
The principles and steps of the STATE Method as an effective framework for navigating difficult conversations.
UNDERSTAND
Learning Objectives
Challenges that arise during difficult conversations by applying the STATE Method to ensure a more productive and respectful exchange of ideas.
INDENTIFY
Understand
Strategies to enhance understanding, manage conflicts, and strengthen relationships while maintaining constructive dialogue even in high-stakes situations.
IMPLEMENT
Identify
Implement
What is a crucial (or difficult) conversation?
It’s a conversation between two people; this means it’s two-sided. It means it’s not just about sharing your perspective on what didn’t work; it’s also about listening to the other person’s perspective, hearing their point of view and coming to an agreement together.
Consider your own experiences.
Overview
THE GOAL: To confidently state our opinions and humbly and sincerely invite others to do the same.
To speak your mind entirely in a way that allows room for dialogue, you must express your views in ways that maintain safety, and you have to find a way to be both confident and humble.
Consider...
A student comes to you concerned about their midterm grade
The STATE Method
5 steps to improved outcomes for a difficult conversation
Objecive 2
Objecive 3
Objective 4
Share Your Facts
Share Your Facts
Tell Your Story
Ask for Others' Paths
Talk
Encourage
Testing
Tentatively
Check for Understanding
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. -George Bernard Shaw
Facts are the least controversial
Facts are the most compelling
Facts are least likely to offend
A story is very different than convincing the other you are right and they are wrong. The story gives life to the conversation.-Anonymous
Be confident
Be selective
Be alert to how your story is heard
Open yourself up to the belief that others might have something to say, and better still, they might hold a piece of the puzzle- and then ask them for their views. -Kerry Patterson
Blend confidence and humility
Express humility by asking others how they see it
Listen and be willing to rethink your story
Soften the message
Speaking tentatively also means sharing in a way that shows confidence in your conclusions, but that also suggests you’re open to challenges. -Carrie Cabral
The more tentatively you speak, the more open people become to your opinions
Make clear that no matter how controversial their ideas, you want to hear them. If they don’t feel comfortable speaking up, you can’t test the accuracy/value of your views. Carrie Cabral
Invite opposing views
Play devil's advocate "maybe I'm wrong here, what if..."
Be sincere
Create conditions in yourself and others that will make dialogue the path of least resistance.
Use this quick reference guide to support your understanding
5 Steps to a Successful Crucial Conversation
Share Your Facts Objective and verifiable information is the foundation for effective communication, and establishing common ground.
Tell Your Story Balancing personal perspective and emotions is emphasized, with guidance on expressing feelings without blame.
Ask for Others’ Paths Understanding viewpoints is highlighted, promoting active listening and empathy.
Talk Tentatively Tentative language is explored as a means to express opinions without provoking defensiveness.
Encourage Testing The need for mutual understanding and feedback is underscored, ensuring successful communication.
Can you identify the STATE elements in these examples?
According to the records, you have been late to class on these dates...
The reason I assign the homework assignments is for you to be prepared for class conversations.
I would like to hear your thoughts about how your grade aligns with the rubric
When it comes to diffcult, and/or emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open, so both sides can be heard, and a resolution can be formed.
References:
Cabral, C. (2020, June 28). Crucial Conversations’ STATE Method: 5 Essential Skills. Shortform Books. Retrieved from https://www.shortform.com/blog/crucial-conversations-state/
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2021). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (3rd ed.). October 21, 2021.