Cycle of abuse

Cycle of abuse

In 1979, psychologist Lenore Walker found that many abusive relationships follow a common pattern or cycle.

Click on

to read more

Tension building

Calm

Explosive

Honeymoon

Adapted from the work of psychologist Lenore Walker

Tension building

Stress builds.Tension within the relationship is increasing. Abuser: silent treatment, questioning, jealousy, manipulation, mind games, withdrawing, sulking. Abused: may try to placate, diffuse, keep the abuser happy. It might feel like walking on eggshells. Sometimes they might try and bring on the explosive stage because the tension becomes so unbearable, they just want it to be over.

Explosive

The abusive behaviour occurs, whether it's verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual.There is nothing the abused person can do to stop this happening. Abuser: appears out of control, angry, abusive, accusatory. Abused: overwhelmed, scared, hurt. Fight, flight, freeze, flop, friend response.

Honeymoon

Affection, apology or, alternatively, ignoring/minimising the incident.Abuser will act in ways they know their partner will desire and appreciate. They may revert back to how they were when the relationship started. Abuser: "It will never happen again", "I'll change", "It wasn't that bad", "I just love you so much" Abused: relieved, angry, guilty or hopeful. Tries to justify or make excuses for the abusive behaviour.

Calm

The cycle of abuse continuously repeats in abusive relationships.The length of time it takes to repeat depends on the relationship and the individual circumstances. In some instances, over time, the honeymoon and calm stages become shorter and less frequent, even stopping completely, whilst the tension and explosive stages become greater and more intense.