Who Am I?

A reflection on

Laura Davin

And the highs, the lows and the laughs

Laura's Chapters

1. Who is Lu?

6. Matt

2. Leaving people you love

7. Parenthood

3. Realising you aren't you

8. A domino of trauma

4. Running away to the circus

9. Learning to be free

5. Bang goes the brain

10. Where to next?

Before we start

This is truly written with love. I would never change anything in my life, although things may have been tough, I am truly blessed...

Main Characters

Laura / Lu

Auntie Ju

Grandad

Uncle Mike

Nan

Mum

Matt

Ty

Allie

Mace

Em

Who is Lu?

Here we go, the first time I have put into words my life story. I was born on a sunny Friday in July 1987. My Mum, aged 16, hid her pregnancy for the first 5 months. Scared, alone and unsure who my Dad was, she kept quiet.

I was celebrated by my family. They were proud. However, no matter how loved I was, it didn't stop the abandonment from my Mum. I was left for days and days at a time. Sometimes, when older, being taken with her and locked in rooms. But I knew I was loved.

What do you see when you look at this photo?

01:00

Religion, whether frowned upon or not taken notice of, played a big part of my childhood. It provided love, warmth, stability, and an excuse to have Sunday adventures with my Grandad. It has been a constant throughout my life.

Leaving people you love

This little girl was tired. She had moved in with a stranger, she missed her family, she was cut off from them. This was my 5th birthday. After everyone went home, I was punished for something I didn't do, and sent to my room until the next day. The patterns of mental abuse were constant she was in a household were she mattered less and less. Through doing this project, I have been able to open up freely to my Husband about what went on in this house.

Realisng you aren't you

Over the years, we moved house twice. Before Warrington we didn't live in a nice area, leading itself to witness some awful events. At aged 11, I became a sister and I secretly found out my Dad wasn't my Dad. It was at this point that I was pushed aside, and it was a welcomed relief. My Auntie and Uncle could see this, and I spent more and more time in their company, until that came to a sudden halt with accusations from home coming towards them.

Running away to the circus

At aged 15 I got my first job. It was in Liverpool where my Nan worked. I loved this, however it was seen as an excuse to leave me in Liverpool Friday to Sunday. I slowly left this job after a long year and worked for a wonderful showman family. I was loved by them, spent weekends travelling, half terms and summers on adventures, and really, truly making memories.

Bang goes the brain

Between 16 and 18 I went to a local college and really studied hard. Even getting 100% on my A level Psychology, applause please.

And then, I witnessed a fight, I was pushed, I smacked my head, and the rest is forgotten history.

Matt

God, I LOVE this man. We have been together since we were 18. So, only a few years. The longer we are together, the more I love him. He has seen me at my worst, my best, my hardest and he is still here. As a family we have never been stronger, but unfortunately, that has not always been the case.

Parenthood

Born in 2010 and 2012, these two souls are my everything. Macey Ellen and Tyler Ryan have given me puropse, love, security and peace. Forever an evolving relationship, with so much laughter. I have so much gratitude for them being mine.

A domino of trauma

2020 - I witnessed a man be killed in front of me2021- I was held at knife point 2021- Again, held up with a machete and locked in a room 2022 - Ritage dies in my arms 2023 - Kyra and Macey

Learning to be free

After all of the trauma, I have struggled to deal with the emotions that come with it. Naturally, it is easier for me to continue and to disregard them. I have sought comfort in small steps towards healing, towards putting boundaries in place and making time to sit with my emotions as uncomfortable as that is.

Where to next?

I remind myself often that I am in control of my life. What I want to do with it is my concious decision. Where to next? To peace, to acceptance and to continued love.