7/26 - Relationships

Relationships

Love languages | Love styles | Four horsemen

Norris VorasaneMental Health Intern

Check-in

Question

- Name - Emotion word - If you could have the power of teleportation right now, where would you go and why?

Many of us know that relationships take work, but one of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce is "growing apart." Why do you think this is the case?

Love Languages

How many are there?

5 Love Languages

Physical Touch

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Learning the Languages of Love

• Like other languages, we speak “love” in different ways.
• Our primary language(s) is often different from others’ primary language(s).
• We often must become 'bilingual' in order to communicate love in our relationships.
• Even when we speak the same language, we sometimes must learn different 'dialects' in order to understand one another.

Things to AVOID:

Non-constructive criticism, not recognizing or appreciating effort.

Words of Affirmation

• Verbal compliments
• Words of appreciation (being and doing)
• Words of encouragement
• Words of kindness
• Words of humility (e.g., “I was wrong.”)
• Indirect words of affirmation
• Words on paper

Things to AVOID:

Quality Time

Distractions when spending time together. Long stints without one-on-one time.

• Focused attention
• Quality conversation
• Learning to talk
• Talking times
• Quality times

Things to AVOID:

Receiving Gifts

Forgetting special occasions, unenthusiastic gift receiving.

• Gifts are visual symbols of love
• Physical/tangible gifts
• Purchased gifts
• Hand/home-made gifts
• Gift of self

Things to AVOID:

Acts of Service

Making the requests of others a higher priority, lacking follow-through on tasks big and small.

• Doing things that your partner would like you to do
• Doing things without your partner asking you to
• Doing things without expectation(s) for reciprocity

Things to AVOID:

Physical neglect, long stints without intimacy, receiving affection coldly.

Physical Touch

• The best teacher for ways to touch our partners is our partners themselves
• Implicit touching
• Explicit touching

Determining Your Love Language

• What love language do you most regularly express to your partner?
• What love language have you most often asked your partner to speak?
• What does your partner do or don’t do that hurts you most deeply?
• What are the consequences of not feeling loved in a relationship? How does not feeling loved affect your behavior/thoughts/emotions?

Top 3 for Men:

Top 3 for Women:

1. Quality time2. Words of affirmation 3. Physical touch

1. Quality time2. Words of affirmation 3. Acts of service

Stumbling Blocks of Love Languages

• You are in a long distance relationship, but your love language is quality time. How can you make it work?
• What if I am actively trying to speak my partner’s love language but I do not see them trying to speak mine?
• What if my love language is physical touch but my partner likes one’s space?

Lee's Love Styles

Lee's Love Styles

Ludus

Eros

Mania

Pragma

Storge

Agape

Overview of Love Styles

Overview of Love Styles

The Four Horsemen

Norris VorasaneMental Health Intern

Contempt

Criticism

Stonewalling

Defensiveness

Kahoot

Thanks!