The ultimate goal when addressing a difficult conversation isn’t necessarily to see eye to eye, but to understand each other. Many times conflict is rooted in misunderstanding, so you want to ensure you provide the space for the parent/teacher to speak while you actively listen.
Be empathetic and allow the other person to have the space to share their perspective before you offer your own. There’s a difference between acknowledgement and agreement. You can acknowledge the other person’s perspective without agreeing, it’s not your responsibility to validate the other person’s point of view, it’s your responsibility to make them feel heard. This sentiment has implications beyond the manager-employee relationship — we see a strong correlation between whether employees feel their manager cares about their opinion, and whether they feel they’re part of a team. So listening is very important! Being open enough that people not only feel comfortable to be honest with you, but believe that you care personally, is key to cultivating a supportive, collaborative team environment. Every meeting should wrap up by setting clear action items with follow up. A successful conversation means finding the most productive solution, not being right or proving a point. One or both of you may come to the meeting with action items in mind, but take the time to discuss them, build on them, find common ground, and decide on a path forward together. A successful conversation means finding the most productive solution, not being right or proving a point. Offer help and support where you can: Acting as a team player and contributing to the solution when employees are having a tough time shows leadership, and helps build a stronger, more supportive team.The most important part of setting action items is following up. Set a talking point for your next one-on-one to revisit your established plan and ensure you’ve both followed through your commitments and achieved the desired outcome.
Seeking Understanding during a difficult conversation involves actively listening to understand the other person's perspective. Crucial Learning master trainer Justin Hale gives two outstanding tips that will instantly help you in your Crucial Conversations with people you disagree with.
Unproductive Listening Patterns
“Speak when you’re angry and you’ll have made the best speech you’ll ever regret”
Let’s start with how to dialogue during a difficult conversation. As a leader, oftentimes, you’re faced with how to encourage the flow of meaning in the face of differing and strong opinions. This starts with you! If you can't get yourself right, you’ll have a hard time getting dialogue right. When conversations become difficult, you’ll resort to the form of communication you’ve grown up with, shutting down in silence or exploding in violence. It’s vital to stay focused on what you really want to gain from the conversation. To do this, we have to fix the problem of believing that others are the source of all that ails us. It’s our dogmatic conviction that “if we could just fix those underperformers, all would go better” that keeps us from taking action that could lead to dialogue and progress. Which is why it’s no surprise that those who are best at dialogue tend to turn this logic around. They believe the best way to work on “us” is to start with “me.”
Silence Vs. Violence Inventory
Salomah Diaz, a Crucial Conversations trainer, speaks on how to get your brain and heart in sync as you prepare to have a difficult conversation.
Ply
Mel Robbins speaks to the power of assuming positive intent when emotions run high.
“How do you prepare for difficult conversation?”
One on One meetings provide an ideal setting to have a difficult conversation, however it’s important to keep in mind that it’s a two way conversation. Giving the other person advanced notice about what you'd like to discuss allows them to prepare and process the agenda prior to the meeting. Add the talking point to your shared agenda or send your team member a quick message to give them a heads-up in a way that’s both clear and neutral in its tone. Using coaching language invites the other person along in the conversation. For instance, instead of saying “We need to talk about what happened during collaborative planning.” Try Saying “I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the different opinions that came up in last week’s collaborative planning meeting. Can we chat about it at our next one-on-one?”
In this video, John Maxwell speaks about setting expectations for difficult conversations and creating environments where others know their safe even when difficult conversation occur.
“Gather all the facts, then consider the outcome you want. Build the conversation backwards once you know the desired outcome."
Talking about a difficult topic or having an otherwise challenging conversation can evoke some emotion from even the most regulated among us. When it comes to managing your emotions, it’s important to find a good balance between being composed and being authentic. Brendan Collins, an experienced Mental Health Worker supporting people from vulnerable populations, shares: “Don’t be too calm, be calm enough. If you’re overly calm it might give the impression that you don’t care, or that you think you’re better than the other person.”For tough conversations, try to separate what you know from how to feel about the situation/person. Build your conversation backwards starting with the outcome you want. You can put notes together with specific examples and documentation, be careful because you don’t need to pull out receipts. Concrete evidence is one thing, but pulling up screen shots or compiling evidence against someone is another thing. The facts should serve as a way to provide feedback that leads to continual improvement and growth of your teacher. This means creating a safe space in which there’s an honest conversation that leaves them feeling empowered to change a process or behavior that’s not working.
Focusing on the facts can help you maintain neutral ground during a difficult conversation, however sometimes our emotions get the best of us. This video from The Harvard Business Review provides tips on how to clear the path for productive conversations.
Are you creating a circle of safety?
Click the link to watch Simon Sinek explain the importance of creating a circle of safety within your workplace. Begin the video at 3:21-5:58.
This step in the framework is one that should be done continuously and should be a part of your school culture, otherwise, everytime you ask to speak with a teacher, they'll think they're in trouble, especially if feedback isn’t provided on a consistent basis. Having regular feedback exchanges helps teachers feel comfortable about having honest conversations and it encourages them to come to you with tougher topics.
Hello Learning- No Prep Relationship Builders
6 Steps for Difficult Conversations
Crisha Lewis
Created on July 18, 2023
This framework can be used to when someone in a managerial role needs to have a difficult conversation with someone on their team.
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Transcript
The ultimate goal when addressing a difficult conversation isn’t necessarily to see eye to eye, but to understand each other. Many times conflict is rooted in misunderstanding, so you want to ensure you provide the space for the parent/teacher to speak while you actively listen.
Be empathetic and allow the other person to have the space to share their perspective before you offer your own. There’s a difference between acknowledgement and agreement. You can acknowledge the other person’s perspective without agreeing, it’s not your responsibility to validate the other person’s point of view, it’s your responsibility to make them feel heard. This sentiment has implications beyond the manager-employee relationship — we see a strong correlation between whether employees feel their manager cares about their opinion, and whether they feel they’re part of a team. So listening is very important! Being open enough that people not only feel comfortable to be honest with you, but believe that you care personally, is key to cultivating a supportive, collaborative team environment. Every meeting should wrap up by setting clear action items with follow up. A successful conversation means finding the most productive solution, not being right or proving a point. One or both of you may come to the meeting with action items in mind, but take the time to discuss them, build on them, find common ground, and decide on a path forward together. A successful conversation means finding the most productive solution, not being right or proving a point. Offer help and support where you can: Acting as a team player and contributing to the solution when employees are having a tough time shows leadership, and helps build a stronger, more supportive team.The most important part of setting action items is following up. Set a talking point for your next one-on-one to revisit your established plan and ensure you’ve both followed through your commitments and achieved the desired outcome.
Seeking Understanding during a difficult conversation involves actively listening to understand the other person's perspective. Crucial Learning master trainer Justin Hale gives two outstanding tips that will instantly help you in your Crucial Conversations with people you disagree with.
Unproductive Listening Patterns
“Speak when you’re angry and you’ll have made the best speech you’ll ever regret”
Let’s start with how to dialogue during a difficult conversation. As a leader, oftentimes, you’re faced with how to encourage the flow of meaning in the face of differing and strong opinions. This starts with you! If you can't get yourself right, you’ll have a hard time getting dialogue right. When conversations become difficult, you’ll resort to the form of communication you’ve grown up with, shutting down in silence or exploding in violence. It’s vital to stay focused on what you really want to gain from the conversation. To do this, we have to fix the problem of believing that others are the source of all that ails us. It’s our dogmatic conviction that “if we could just fix those underperformers, all would go better” that keeps us from taking action that could lead to dialogue and progress. Which is why it’s no surprise that those who are best at dialogue tend to turn this logic around. They believe the best way to work on “us” is to start with “me.”
Silence Vs. Violence Inventory
Salomah Diaz, a Crucial Conversations trainer, speaks on how to get your brain and heart in sync as you prepare to have a difficult conversation.
Ply
Mel Robbins speaks to the power of assuming positive intent when emotions run high.
“How do you prepare for difficult conversation?”
One on One meetings provide an ideal setting to have a difficult conversation, however it’s important to keep in mind that it’s a two way conversation. Giving the other person advanced notice about what you'd like to discuss allows them to prepare and process the agenda prior to the meeting. Add the talking point to your shared agenda or send your team member a quick message to give them a heads-up in a way that’s both clear and neutral in its tone. Using coaching language invites the other person along in the conversation. For instance, instead of saying “We need to talk about what happened during collaborative planning.” Try Saying “I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the different opinions that came up in last week’s collaborative planning meeting. Can we chat about it at our next one-on-one?”
In this video, John Maxwell speaks about setting expectations for difficult conversations and creating environments where others know their safe even when difficult conversation occur.
“Gather all the facts, then consider the outcome you want. Build the conversation backwards once you know the desired outcome."
Talking about a difficult topic or having an otherwise challenging conversation can evoke some emotion from even the most regulated among us. When it comes to managing your emotions, it’s important to find a good balance between being composed and being authentic. Brendan Collins, an experienced Mental Health Worker supporting people from vulnerable populations, shares: “Don’t be too calm, be calm enough. If you’re overly calm it might give the impression that you don’t care, or that you think you’re better than the other person.”For tough conversations, try to separate what you know from how to feel about the situation/person. Build your conversation backwards starting with the outcome you want. You can put notes together with specific examples and documentation, be careful because you don’t need to pull out receipts. Concrete evidence is one thing, but pulling up screen shots or compiling evidence against someone is another thing. The facts should serve as a way to provide feedback that leads to continual improvement and growth of your teacher. This means creating a safe space in which there’s an honest conversation that leaves them feeling empowered to change a process or behavior that’s not working.
Focusing on the facts can help you maintain neutral ground during a difficult conversation, however sometimes our emotions get the best of us. This video from The Harvard Business Review provides tips on how to clear the path for productive conversations.
Are you creating a circle of safety?
Click the link to watch Simon Sinek explain the importance of creating a circle of safety within your workplace. Begin the video at 3:21-5:58.
This step in the framework is one that should be done continuously and should be a part of your school culture, otherwise, everytime you ask to speak with a teacher, they'll think they're in trouble, especially if feedback isn’t provided on a consistent basis. Having regular feedback exchanges helps teachers feel comfortable about having honest conversations and it encourages them to come to you with tougher topics.
Hello Learning- No Prep Relationship Builders