Over Subordination

Over subordination

Instructional Technology

Review

Faulty Coordination

Faulty Subordination

Example:

LaTosha Robinson, who was a San Francisco-native who lived in the University Park Apartments, enjoyed those special moments when a group of students who also came from Northern California visited her dorm, which was lonely for most of the school year.

Over Subordination

Keep in mind that excessive subordination occurs when a sentence contains a series of cluses, each subordinate to an earlier one.

To correct excessive subordination

Break the sentence into two or more sentences or change some of the dependent clauses to modifying phrases or appositives.

LaTosha Robinson, a San Francisco-native, lived in the University Park Apartments. Because her dorm was lonely most of the school year, she enjoyed those special moments when a group of students who also were from Northern California would visit.

How to fix it

1. Restructure

When Claire went to the store that sold groceries such as chips, bread and sushi, she bought a cookie cake covered in sweet pink, purple, yellow, and blue frosting.

1. Split sentences

Claire went to the store that sold groceries such as chips, bread, and sushi. She bought a cookie cake covered in pink, purple, yellow, and blue frosting.

Over subordination

When Claire went to the store, which had lots of groceries, including chips, bread, vegetables, and sushi, she bought a cookie cake, which had pink, purple, yellow, blue, and red frosting, which tasted sweet.

Another ExamExample

Subordinate clauses provide conditions for statements, but too many conditions within one sentence can make it more difficult to understand.

The author converted the "unless. . ." clause into a separate sentence.

"When the printer prints the faxes, the faxes are cleared from memory unless you indicate in the fax menu that they should be saved."

"In order to save faxes, choose Save in the fax menu before you print. When the printer prints the faxes, the faxes are cleared from memory."

A headache can be a stressful and painful part of anyone’s day, but Aspirin makes things better, so I went down to the store where I found myself some aspirin, which I was extremely relieved about because I knew I couldn’t take the pain for more than a few hours unless I got some sleep.

Fix this sentence and read it to the class.

Fix the following sentence.

Because the report was weak and poorly written, the boss, who wanted to impress the company president by showing her how efficient his division was, to gain more prestige in the company, decided, despite the fact that he was under pressure of an imminent deadline, that he would rewrite the report over the weekend.

Fix this sentence

Instead of attending the national conference, John, who was schedule to present an essay on the military tactics used in Roman battles, which provided great insight into the battle strategies of Hannibal, a Carthaginian commander considered to be one of the greatest military leaders and strategists in history, went on vacation with his friends because they were going to Cancun, which is his favorite vacation destination.

Vary your sentence connections.

1. The guitarist had grown up with seven sisters; as a result, he really knew about women.
2. The guitarist had grown up with seven sisters, so he really knew about women.
3. Because the guitarist had grown up with seven sisters, he really knew about women.

Options for Connecting Clauses

Coordinating Conjunction

Transitional Expression

Subordinating Conjunction

E-portfolio

Step 3

Step 2

Step 1

Copy the three over subordinated paragraphs included in this presentation.

Fix the paragraphs (do it individually, if your classmates have the same fixed paragraphs, points willl be taken from your score)

Include the paragraphs in your e-portfolio

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Thanks!