Relationship Analysis Project

Relationship Analysis Project

Eva Louise WaltonCOM 220- Professor Hanson

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DYNAMIC DUO

"“Words are not enough to express the unconditional love that exists between a mother and a daughter.” – Caitlin Houston

For my relationship analysis I have chosen to focus and dive deeper on the relationship between me and my mother, Tracey Collins. While I did not think there was much more to know about this exceptional woman I like to call mom (until I lose her in Target then I am screaming TRACEY), the following information will take a closer look at our relationship needs, communication, conflict & power, and how effective our relationship truly is.

Relationship Description & History

The nature of me and my mothers relationship can be described as loving, nurturing, caring, protective, stable, secure, and friendly. This relationship began from the day I was born and streghthened over the 21 years I have been alive. Overtime, it has progressed from a mother-daughter relationship into an unbreakable friendship. This friendship formed from years of improving how to be competent communicators with one another by expressing adaptibility, empathy, self-awareness, cognitive complexity, and ethics. I chose this relationship to analyze beacuse it is my longest standing, most important, and deepest relationship I have had with another person. Because of this I feel as though I will be able to develop an extensive insight on all aspects of our relationship.

Relationship Needs

What needs does this relationship meet for my mom?

What needs does this relationship meet for me?

For my mother, I beleive that this relationship also meets all five communication needs: physical, relational, identity, spiritual, and instrumental.

The relationship with my mother meets all five communication need: physical, relational, identity, spiritual, and instrumental.

Rewards & Demands

Physical Needs: My mother has met my physical needs since I was born by providing me with all means necessary to surive as well as providing me with physical and mental support. Relational Needs: She has provided me with relational needs by being a mother, mentor, role model and friend. Identity Needs: She has met my identity needs by raising me to be who I am today and by shaping how I see myself as well as how others perceive me. Spiritual Needs: She has met my spiritual needs by teaching my the difference between right and wrong, what to value in life, and also by allowing me to have my own beliefs apart from hers. Instrumental Needs: My mother has met my instrumental needs in millions of ways, everyday of my life. She has done so by doing something as simple as scheduling a dentist appointment to something huge such as helping to decide where I should attend college.

The rewards of our relationship include a healthy mother-daughter relationship and a support system from one another. Because of our relationship I have learned the value of self-worth, being kind, and carrying a positive attitude in all aspects of life. After asking my mom what she feels as though the reward of our relationship is she reponded with, "lots of love, laughter, and feeling like I have been heard. Stimulating conversations, getting great advice, and also getting a different perspective on things." The demands for me include not wanting to disapoint her and continuing to be open and honest, even when it is hard. I beleive her demands would be the pressure of someones well-being in her hands and being able to always have unconditonal love no matter what.

Communication:Relationship Dialectics Theory

For my mother and I, within our relationship, the dilectical tension we struggled and dealt with the most is the conflict between openness (the desire for disclosure and honesty) and closedness (the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, or ideas to oneself). For example, in high school when I would be struggling with issues in my intimate relationships; a part of me would want to confide in my mother becuase she is older, wiser, and has more expirerience than me in intimate relationships. On the other hand, some topics that I would want to discuss are personal details that I felt uncomfortable or awkward sharing with my mother, as well as her knowing that information about my partner, at the time. The part of me that loves and respects my relationship with my mother desired openness, while the other part of me felt as though I may recieve judgement for my words and desired closedness. By finding a balance in our communication, we have maintained our relationship by disclosing as much information as we feel comfotable with each other, but respect each others boundaries when we want to keep feelings or thoughts to oursleves. We have also found that reaffirmation works in maintaining our relationship by accepting that becuase we are mother and daughter, rather than friends of the same age, that some information is just too weird or personal to share.

Communication Continued

Family Relationship

-Which characteristics are present in this relationship that categorize it as a family relationship? The characteristics in this relationship that catergorize it as a family relationship are based off of numerous reasons such as genetics, meaning we are related "by blood" because I share 50% of my DNA with my mother, legal obligations becuase she gained full custody of my brother and I after she got a divorce with my father, and lastly becasue of role behaviors; she chose to take on the role as my mother and I took on the role as her daughter. -How has family roles, rituals, stories, and secrets impacted your communication? In my family, when I was growing up, my brother was the trouble maker, I was the peacekeeper and my mother computer/caregiver. These roles impacted our communication by bringing my mother and I closer because we were able to have calm, logical converations, while my brother often led with anger. Rituals in my family were something I held very close to my heart and revloved around holidays. Every year for each holiday we had a set of traditions such as for Christmas, we spent the morning opening presents at our house before heading to my grandparents for dinner and more presents. As I got older, I did notice that our rituals were not being taken as seriously. I think that the lack of caring for our traditions impacted my communication in a negative way by taking away parts of our family bond. Family stories are one of my favorite aspects of communication within my family. I listen to stories and ask questions for hours on end whenever I get the chance, espically from my grandparents. This has impacted my communication by making my more curious and reienforcing the connections I have to my family. Lastly, in my family I do not feel as though we have any huge family secrets. The secrets that impact my communication the most are between my brother, mother, and I. Often times my brother tends to keep his life very secret from my mom but shares information or secrets with me. This impacts my communication by making me be dishonest to my mother or withhold details I very much want to share with her. -What is the family type and communication pattern represented? The type of family that I represent is a family of origin as well as a single-parent family. We are considered a single-parent family because my mother raised my brother and I in our household as an adult, by herself.

Power & Conflict

• How is power used by each relationship partner?

In the early stages of our relatrionship, our power was used in a complementrary relationship becuase I depended on her as a caretaker when I was a baby up until my late teenage years. Now the power in our relationship is used in a symmetrical relationship because we now have almsot equal power between the two of us. For the most part our power is distruptued evenly; the only situation in which my mother would use her power over me is if I was to make an extremely poor decision, such as getting arrested or starting to use drugs.

• What has been the nature of interpersonal conflict?

The nature of interpersonal conflict within my mother and I's relationship has been positive. Over the years, we have worked very hard in perfecting the ways in which we handle conflict between us and in our household. It is evident that the nature is positive because my mother and I are able to communicate honestly and respectfully if an expressed struggle does happen to arise. For example, if a conflict arises due to money related issues, if I get frustrated or worked up, my mother knows to stay calm and work on a solution that will benefit both of us, rather than getting angry and blaming me.

• How has conflict management style played a role?

The conflict management styles play many roles when a conflict arises between my mother and I. We tend to use accommodating, compromising, and collaborating as our main approaches to conflict. These stradegies work for my mother and I because their goal is to insinuate fair, logical, and reasonable solutions when issues arise. For example, last week I spent too much money on my moms credit card; instead of her yelling at me or forcing me to pay it all back, we compromised by me paying her back half of what I spent, when I received my next paycheck.

Relationship Effectiveness

I beleive that my mother and I's relationship is extremely successful. Our relationship consists of fostering mutual trust, setting appropriate boundaries, repecting each other endlessly, and managing conflict in a healthy and fair way. When diving deeper into why our relationship has been so successful I found that not only is it mutually beneficial for mental aspects but is also directly linked to physical wellness also. My mother has struggled with a chronic illness throughout her whole life and I started to take notice that a lot of the time when we spent time togther, her symptoms did not bother her as much. The article states, "Mother-daughter relationships have been shown to play a significant role in facilitating self-management of chronic illnesses (Shawler, C.)". I believe this further emphasized how successful our relationship proves to be and how my mother has provided me with emotional support as well as model what it means to be a strong, independent, and functional woman.

"Let me give my life to youLet me drown in your laughter"

annie's song- John denver

CONCLUSION

"“There were times when…I didn’t have a lot of friends. But my mom was always my friend. Always.” – Taylor Swift"

As a result of this relationship analysis, I have learned how incredibly important and impactful the relationship between not only a mother and daughter, but how important and impactful and parent/child relationship is. Through a healthy relationship between parents and children; children are able to form a sense of security in order to grow emotionally, physically, and conginitively. By fostering these healthy relationships no matter the type of family- whether it is a single-family home or a blended family- children are also able to develop and maintain the necessary coping skills to deal with emotional and menatl stress that may find them. Throughout this analysis I have learned that I am very lucky and blessed to have the relationship I do with my mother. While diving deeper into our relationship and communication patterns, it has made me more aware of other girls my age relationship with their own mothers, and how much they differ. It has also made me aware of how much effort both my mom and I have put into our relationship and communication skills in order to maintain our healthy connection. Going forward, I know that the conflict management strategies as well as our communication patterns have worked well for us and should continue on for years to come.

References Shawler, C. , Edward, J. , Ling, J. , Crawford, T. N. & Rayens, M. K. (2018). Impact of Mother-Daughter Relationship on Hypertension Self-management and Quality of Life. The Journal of Cardiovascular Nursing, 33(3), 232–238. doi: 10.1097/JCN.0000000000000448.